“It’s chilly,” I think as I make my way out to the main street surrounding the city. It’s only a short walk to the restaurant I’ve gotten used to eating dinner at. It’s kind of a street stall, really. They put tables and chairs in the road. The traffic is used to going around them. The whole block does it.
Sort of the way Denver / Boulder area puts chairs in the parking lots of small micro-breweries. But, in the actual street.
I head home in a few days, and I begin to wonder whether this trip was “successful.”
Never Perfect
Things change. Everything changes.
One of the “goals” of this quest was to see if I could make a living while I traveled to find what was missing.
I did that.
Until now. I’m no longer working with my most consistent client. So, while I technically will make it home in the black financially, my money landscape has dramatically changed. At least it’s not going to be as predictable as it was for a few months. But, I’m not done traveling.
And that’s a little scary.
OK, that’s a LOT scary!
Losing my best source of income half way through isn’t perfect. But, giving up my yoga income (about 40% of my total income) when I started this journey wasn’t perfect… and things still worked out.
Often, we wait for the “perfect time” to do something, but as you can see, we don’t really know whether it’s going to keep being perfect. Piled on top, our well meaning friends will say “There is no perfect. You’ve just go to do it.”
But, I disagree. The “perfect time” to do something is always.
It’s not about just barreling through something and hoping it will all work out. It’s about positioning yourself the best you can and trusting you’ll move with the waves of change.
I didn’t start with this whole journey planned out, but it all worked out. I met the people I needed to meet and they pushed or pulled me to the next step. Some of them even taught me lessons… that I didn’t know I needed. But, I couldn’t have planned this if I tried.
…and I certainly didn’t “just do it.” I set myself in a position to take a reasonable shot at it working. I rolled with some “punches” and jumped on some opportunities, ultimately acting on what life gave me.
The timing of it all turned out perfect!
…but, only in hindsight.
Only looking back can we say the timing was perfect. We can’t plan for the whims of life. We’ve just got to be willing ride them.
Despite acknowledging that this whole trip turned out pretty perfect, I don’t feel any different.
Little By Little
Teacher training taught me that change happens gradually.
When I was done training, I didn’t feel like I had changed at all. But, my teacher said I was a very different person. What happened was simple. Some mask – built up just as gradually – had little by little broken away so the me that I knew myself to be was showing.
To me, I was still the same. To others, I had changed.
True change is simply making the inside you match the outside you. This doesn’t happen by flicking a switch. It takes a consistent focus on self-work; recognizing truths and lessons during your journey, and allowing your life to keep in flow with them. Often, we don’t even realize we’ve gone through any change until someone points it out. We’re just doing what feels right.
The people that knew me when this journey started will notice changes. To them, I ask a simple favor:
Let me in on it!
Coming Home
For good or ill, I’m heading home.
But, home this time will be very different. It’s really just a break from the journey. Actually…Home is really just another step on the journey.
It’ll be nice to catch up with friends and family. It’ll be a little less stressful with the cost of traveling out of the equation. It’ll be fun to visit some old haunts. It’ll be fulfilling to teach again.
Most importantly, it will give me some downtime to process the past six months. It’s only after the journey ends that the true lessons show themselves.
So, this step on the journey is simply down-time. Not really and ending to the journey, but an end to that leg. Rest. Keeping the routines I created with the space in Chiang Mai and just letting everything sink in. No forcing 10 classes each week. No 12 hour development days… on end. Just space. Just easy.
…And easy sounds really good right now.
Maybe I have changed.
