I was driving into class today and passed a single child with a book bag, standing by the side of the road. Nothing else around. The child just stood there, waiting. But not just waiting. Waiting… and hoping…
Hoping the bus wouldn’t come.
You remember, don’t you? Getting up every morning and waiting for the bus, but secretly… or not so secretly… hoping it wouldn’t come. Why did we get on the bus every day? We had to. We were expected to.
Our life was ruled by this expectation.
Imagine how many clock cycles were taken up in the mind just hoping that bus wouldn’t come. How much creativity lost? How much calm, gentle peace replaced with anxiety? How much daydreaming about that cute boy?
Fast forward
For many of us, very little has changed. Sure, the yellow bus has been replaced with a white one… or a train… or our own car… or even an open laptop with a blank document. But, we still continue to step through each day with the expectation that we have to.
Wanna know the worst part?
As adults, those expectations are our own. We’ve become saddled with expectations we’ve made for ourselves. Then, in exchange for something (often security), we give our control of expectations back to some authority figure that expects us to get on the bus every day.
Again, we wake up, get our backpack / laptop, and hope the bus doesn’t come.
But why?
Many of us, myself included, can be perfectly happy with a routine, whether that’s a 9-5 job, staying home with the kids, or changing location every 30 days. In fact, a lot of us really thrive in a routine. The US Army churns out successful men and women over and over because the regimen makes things simpler… and simple is good.
The question really becomes: What defines the routine? Do your actions each day come from a place of desire… or expectation?
Found
If you’ve got some resentment or ill-will toward the things you do because you are expected to do them, take a moment today… or tomorrow to find your motives.
- What are the things you do that are simply because you’re expected to do them?
- Who set those expectations?
- If it’s you, do the results continue to serve you?
- If it is someone else, have you given them the power to create those expectations?
- What happens if you stop doing those things?
- Or, what happens if you change those things to other things?
- Can the expectation still be met in a different way?
- What step can you take to stop doing the thing out of expectation?
Go ahead
Often, this exercise reminds us why we do the things that make us feel like we’re wasting our life. There are a great amount of things that are well worth the expectation, so taking the time to refocus on why we’re doing them can change how we feel about them.
On the other hand, this exercise can make us realize just how easy it is to simply stop doing those things… and take our life back.
As expected,
I remember hoping for snow days when I was a kid! Deep post. Made me think hard. Ouch! 🙂 While thinking about step 4 I realized I can still do what’s expected of me but have a different (hopefully better) attitude about it, when I shift my motivation for doing it.
It’s funny, when I wrote this, I wasn’t even thinking about snow days, but it’s great how that timing worked out. Ah, yes, shifting your motivation! Life is about perspective, isn’t it? Hopefully, this will turn some of that holiday anxiousness into an enjoyable experience.
-Stu