“You look like a real runner today.”

What does that mean?  A real runner?  As I settled into the I haven’t been running much at all lately and yet I still consider myself a runner.  The sad truth is… I’m not “a runner”.  A runner is someone who runs… by definition.

And this is a great example of something you often don’t realize.There is a difference between the person you are and the person you perceive yourself to be.  The self you identify with is the one you see yourself as.  The person others identify you as is based on the things you do.

Losing your identity

In today’s society, we find ourselves listless.  We “go through the motions” for weeks on end. We fill our days with errands and other people’s agendas, which ironically, are created to fill their days.  We begin to define ourselves by the identity of our job.  Even in cases where you love your work, there is more to you… or is there?

With our days filled and our creativity stifled, we begin to identify with the things we own.  Once that thing becomes passe’, we either feel like we’re not good enough, or we clamor to get the next greatest “thing”.  We expend enormous energies trying to retain “things” because we feel attached to them.  Actually, we are attached to the memories… and memories don’t go away when the “thing” does.

Is this you?

How close are you to the person you see yourself as?  Are you defined by the objects you own… or the things you do?  Quietly answer the following two questions:

1. What do you do?
2. What do you do after work? or What are your hobbies?

Answer key:

1. Did you immediately answer what you do for a living?  Awesome if you love it!  If not, think for a minute how you want to answer that question.  For my example, I love to say “I run”.  I also love to say “I help people”.  What would you love to say?  The question isn’t “what do you do for a living?”, the question is just “What do you do?”
2. Well?  Are the answers to this question things you participate in?  Are they things you want to be known for?  A lot of times, after work, you “clean the house” or “watch TV”.  Often hobbies are defined by things.  “I like cars”.  “I go shopping”.

Think about your epitaph.  Yeah, I know, a little creepy…  Now, go back and answer those questions based on what you’d like the words on your headstone to be.

Here lies:
Jane Maleroy
House Cleaner

Here lies:
John Hampton
The guy liked cars

Finding yourself… again

A fun little exercise I give clients who feel lost is to create a new “job title”.  Make this title define who you are… or who you really want to be.  Be creative.

I love to help people.  I love getting to know who their soul is.  At the heart of Shamanism is the idea of healing a person’s soul… so when people asked what I did, I’d tell I was a Shaman.  This immediately began a conversation of Shamanism and how I helped people.  These were things I identify myself with way more than managing security and IT projects.  When I started to coach, continuing with the Shaman identity feels right.

Create a list of three or four things you really identify with.  Make them things you want people to see you as.  Likely, you see yourself as them already.  Added bonus:  Email me the list and I’ll help you create a fun title for yourself.

Now, when people ask what you do, you can have a little fun answering them!

Making your I.dentity

Go do the things you want to be known for.  That’s it.  It’s that simple.

Having an identity that aligns with who you are is crucial in overall happiness.  Take that new “job title” and be it.  If you want to be a runner, get out there and run.  It doesn’t matter how fast or how long.  All that matters is you’re a runner.

“Tut vam asi“