Agni: The Fire Within

The days in San Fransisco quietly come to an end; so begins the best drive in the US – the continental US. The next stop is five days of yoga training, to begin my next certification, followed by two days of yoga retreat.

Route 1 South of San Diego hugs the Pacific Coast along all of its twists and turns. It’s a few hours longer than the highway, but the drive is a meditative journey through one of the highlights of this beautiful country.

I’ve got plenty of time after the training before I need to be in Sausalito. I think, “If I can find a place in San Diego, let’s just see where it takes me.”

A perfect excuse to reach out to yet another conference buddy. “Kristyn, Anyone in your network have a couch I could stay on for a night or two? … or three?”

Training Day

You would think as a yoga instructor I’d be in super great shape. You’d think I do so much yoga being a teacher that balance, strength, and stamina would be non-issues for me.

You’d be wrong.

As a teacher, I do half-classes with tons of breaks in the middle. You’re not really supposed to be practicing while you teach. I do a lot of demo’ing of postures and flows, but by no means am I doing a full practice each and every time I teach. By the time I’ve traveled to, and spent ten classes in a studio each week, the last thing I feel like trying to do is travel to a studio for another class.

To say I was not prepared for yoga training would be an understatement.

Agni Within

Training was hard! Classes were two hours long and there was two of them each day. We taught and got taught the sequences in between the “classes” so we would get familiar with them.

By the end of the first day, my body ached from head to toe. By the next morning, most of it was screaming. Everything was spent. Everything but the intensity with which I wanted to do it all over again. THIS was what “good” felt like. Pushing.

Lots of new movements and sequences. Lots of holding the body in a posture while the instructor explained the details of the pose or flow. Lots of simply failing to maintain a posture. Lots of sweat.

LOTS of sweat.

Sweating detoxifies the body. A clean body makes for a clean mind.

Day four – the Agni Namaskar – contains 108 pushups within the full fire sequence. Agni is the fire of transformation. It’s built in the core – the gut. We digest our food and transform it into the life-giving nutrients we need.

We digest ourselves and transform ourselves by continuing to push ourselves.

Somewhere in the last sequence or the second to last, my body simply couldn’t finish. The pushups got barely noticeable. The chair poses were way off posture. Breath was short and everything from head to toe to mat was drenched in sweat. That’s when the tears began.

Little know fact: tears are your body’s way of relieving stress. With no more muscle to use or sweat to drip, you will cry.

As I continued to push my body through movements it was completely done doing, I realized a love for myself was what I’ve been missing. I realized that this fire of relentlessly pushing even when there feels like nothing left is what I’ve been missing. That is when we feel in love with ourselves – during the times we overcome.

I very succinctly remember speaking – begging really – under my breath that I be able to maintain this fire inside.

But, if not, at very least, I now know it needs to be there.

Clean

I ate really well all week. I didn’t have any alcohol. I pushed through every posture.

In the end, I felt amazing.

You have to go all-in. You have to let yourself prove yourself without giving yourself easy excuses. You have to stop taking in crap and let your inner fire burn the crap that’s already there.

Whether you’re looking for some physical success, emotional success, or business success, you have to dig deep within yourself.

You have to dump the unnecessary.

You have to commit to pushing through.

…and you have to believe your inner fire will burn hot.